Valentine’s Day: Hate it or Love it

First off, let me apologize for the delay in blogging this month. My goal was to do this weekly but other things have taken priority the last few weeks.

Well this weekend was Valentine’s Day. I know by already saying that I may lose many of you guys’ attention. Everyone has their own opinion on this day; for some Valentines is a singleness awareness day, others it’s a day that Hallmark has created to rob us all of our money. It can be a fun day, an annoying day, a depressing day, a stressful day, and most times men struggle to fulfill the crazy expectations of their significant others.

I always joke that Valentine’s day was my Friday the 13th growing up. In high school years alone, I had CRAZY things happen to me on these days every year. Freshman year I was hit in the head at softball practice and got a concussion. Sophomore year I ended up with strep throat. Senior year I had the flu. Freshman year of college I fell down a flight a stairs. Haha. I told you it was a crazy day. For me the better option for many years was to stay at home wrapped in bubble wrap to prevent further injuries.

Over the last few years I am given into singleness awareness train and sulked. However, this year I found great joy on Valentine’s Day. The theme for my Valentines Day ended up being TREAT YO SELF. (Cue Parks and Recreation) Honestly, it was an amazing day. I spent the morning having a Prince and Princess Ball with some of our Missio Kids and their families. Then, thanks to a sweet blessing from our Missio Dei Mommas (such a cool answer to a prayer btw, story for another time) I was able to go get my hair cut and my nails done. It was the most relaxing afternoon. It was funny though because at both places I was asked if I was preparing for a romantic date night. At first I laughed it off and made the typical joke of not unless you count sweatpants and netflix alone a romantic date night. But then I saw a beautiful opportunity to share that I was having an amazing day and it would continue to be amazing even without a special date because I was more loved by God than any other person will ever love me. I mean the very reason I know how to love others is because God first loved me. I am getting to experience an amazing season. I am daily waking up and being reminded that God loves me so much. We have such a great opportunity to love others around us with that same love. Whether you are single, dating, engaged, married, divorced, or widowed YOU are immensely loved by the Creator of the universe. He knows you by name. I challenge you, don’t let another day go by where you feel like you don’t matter, aren’t loved, and have no purpose. You matter. Each day we have is an incredible blessing. We can choose joy or we can choose hate. What’s your choice?

I am a little discouraged today as I flip through facebook. It seems as if it is a day for bashing. Bashing one another, bashing themselves, and a lot of bashing the city I am so thankful to be a part of. I grow so tired of hearing people complain about Memphis. I have to admit at times I want to comment back to these people to just leave already, if that’s your attitude we don’t need you in Memphis anyways.

Then today as the anger rose up in my heart the Spirit reminded me that just a short 6 years ago I was also one of these people. I was born and raised in Memphis and was ready to be out of here. I saw a city full of hate, crime, and nothing that interested me at all. In all honesty, I had a pretty small picture of my city. I knew nothing about it, didn’t explore it and sure as heck wasn’t going to invest in it. Man am I thankful the Lord changed my heart. I am so thankful He opened my eyes to see this beautiful city. I am thankful that when I had my bags packed to flee that He closed every door and allowed me to remain here. I am thankful that He has called me to serve the people of Memphis. I know Memphis has a long list of faults but without a doubt I know He is still at work in this city. I believe we are already seeing and will continue to see Jesus do big things here.

So as I continue to read these bashing posts today, I am going to be slow to speech and quick to pray. I am praying that Jesus would change hearts. I’m praying that He would show them the beauty in where they have been placed, that He would draw them to Himself, that the Spirit would move in a mighty way, that the Gospel would be seen and heard, and that true change would happen. I am praying that He would raise up men and women who would make it their life goal to invest in this city until every soul has been reached with His truth. Memphis is the best. Amazing things are happening here and I genuinely believe many more are coming.

Heart Check

Recently, I read a quote by Carolyn Mahaney that basically kicked me in the face.

“The way we think about and attend to our personal appearance is really a mirror of our hearts.”

Ouch. I’d be lying if I said I was always pleased with how I looked on the outside but after reading that quote I was more discouraged with what I looked like on the inside. Messy, rotten sinner here. Far too many days I am more concerned with pleasing and achieving the world’s standards of beauty rather than Christ’s. Far too many other days I wake up and do as little as possible, look at myself in the mirror and decide “well that’s good enough.” Woah, if these are two pictures of my heart then I am ashamed.

Basically on one hand I am saying that I would rather be like the world and please the world rather than pleasing the Father. I am saying I’d rather settle for second best than really enjoy the goodness you already have for me. I’ll settle for pleasing a world that will feed me promises they will never keep rather than pleasing One who has kept every promise He has proclaimed. I am saying the superficial and shallow life is better than the deep flowing love of Christ that is already poured out on me. I am saying I would rather spend all my day focused on myself and how I want my life to look. Essentially I am saying that I could do a better job with my own life.

On the other hand I am saying that I am so apathetic that I could care less about everything and everyone around me. I’ll do as little to get by. I’ll survive but I will never thrive. I’ll become a shell of nothingness that will buy into the lie that my life doesn’t matter.

Are you feeling the same kick in the face yet? Talk about a massive heart check. These are not the pictures I want to see for my heart. I want to see a picture of someone who radiates beauty and joy because she is reminded that she is immensely loved and cared for by Jesus. I want a picture of a girl who deeply understands who she is in Christ and refuses to sway from those truths. I want a picture of a girl who is put together, who is disciplined, who spends more time focusing on Christ, who is grateful for the way she has been created, and who ultimately honors Christ in all that she does. I want my outward appearance to reflect that my heart is completely surrendered and hidden in Christ. Sisters and brothers, stop today for a second and give yourself a heart check. What does your outward appearance say about you?

Fighting the Good

Lately, I’ve been processing this thought about fighting the good. What does that mean exactly? Well I struggle with daily combating the longing to want to be married soon. Marriage is an amazing thing but for the time being it is not a season I am in. Some days are incredibly easy and it is extremely exciting to be single. Other days I have to fight off the load of lies that I will so quickly feed myself. As I speak with the few single friends I have it seems to be a mutual struggle. A friend and I were talking over coffee the other night and I was telling her how hard it is to fight this longing that can quickly take over my life. The moments I struggle with singleness the most are when it has completely taken over my thoughts. I’m held captive to a mindset that singleness is a plague and I must be doing something wrong.

Lust, Jealousy, Anger. These things tend to be easier to fight against because in my mind they are bad. But how do you combat against the thing that is clearly a gift from God and a beautiful picture of the Gospel. This is where my thought of fighting against the good comes from. In all honesty, I have no clue if I will ever be married. I have no set understanding of the plan God has for me. My goal is to live each day as it may be the only one left to live for His glory and His name sake. I don’t want to waste today being so focused on not being in the season that I want to be that I miss the moment to live.

So how do you combat the good things? I think to combat this fight you have to literally wake up and remind yourself of the gospel truth. You have to remind yourself that the thing you long for is good and was created by the greatest One. But you have to remind yourself to fall more in love with the giver of gifts rather than the gifts itself. One day I genuinely hope to have a husband that will lead me, love me, and push me to Christ daily but I also know this person won’t make everything better. They won’t be my savior. They won’t make me whole. They will enhance my life. They will be another person to do ministry with.

So if you struggle with fighting the good. I would say stop and look at the amazing gifts He has already given you. Thank Him for the family, the friends, the church body, and the many other blessings He didn’t have to give you yet lovingly He did. And then know that if it is in the Lord’s plan for you to be married, have kids, or another season you desire then He will work it out in His timing and in His way. And if He doesn’t give you what you want or think you need, know that He is still good. God didn’t make a mistake when He created you and He hasn’t forgotten you. His plans and ways are higher. He has called us to more than simply reaching our dreams. We have a purpose. So trust Him. He knows what He is doing.

The Tiny Word with the Massive Punch.

One of my favorite words in all of scripture is a rather small and on it’s own insignificant word. In fact, in most contexts this word has more of a negative spin. What is this word you ask? It’s BUT. Think about all the times you have heard that word. Usually there’s a statement that starts off great and you get all excited then that word appears and it takes a turn for the worst. In most cases, when “but” appears it becomes a major let down. One funny example that comes to mind is the cliche saying “I like you BUT I think we should be friends.” Most times that’s not how you want to hear that word so it ends up taking this negative connotation.

Well in Ephesians 2 we see the total opposite.

“2 And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, ² in which you formerly walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience. ³ Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest. ⁴ But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, ⁵ even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), ⁶ and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, ⁷ so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. ⁸ For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; ⁹ not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. ¹⁰ For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.” Ephesians 2:1-10 (NASB)

Well I guess technically, it is two of my favorite words. BUT GOD. In this case, the good news comes after the word “but.” On my own I am dead and stuck in my own sinful ways. On my own I am broken, rebellious, lost, and a slave to sin. BUT GOD being so rich in mercy, BUT GOD loving us with a pure love, BUT GOD having compassion on the broken rebellious sinners, BUT GOD who made the dead alive is the twist that gives us life, hope, joy, and identity. Suddenly, this small insignificant word radically changes our world. We were once this but now we are this. Notice this passage doesn’t say we were dead in our trespasses, but then shelby got her act together and became holy. It doesn’t say we were hopeless wrecks but one day we eventually got ourselves together and became good people. NO, apart from God and his overwhelming pouring of grace and mercy we are lost, dead, and nothing. We bring nothing of good on our own. The joy in this passage is having a healthy understanding that you and I are incredibly sinful BUT GOD changes the script. Yes, you and I will always sin, we will always be the messy, rotten sinner but now with Christ we are made alive. We are forgiven. We are saved. It is this gift we didn’t deserve, we couldn’t earn, and yet God loved us when we were unlovable. He loved us when we choose every other option but Him. He loves us even when we are rebellious, spoiled brats. He loves us more than we will ever be able to comprehend. Oh how quickly we forget this truth. We run ninety seven directions, at a hurried pace looking for things we need when in actuality all we need is Christ. In Him, we are alive and we are complete.

Friends, I hope you find great encouragement in this tiny word with the massive life changing punch. I hope you are reminded as I was reminded that God loves us more than we understand. He has lavished His love upon us. He has not left us to remain dead in our sins but has provided a way for us to be alive. That should radically change how we live each day. The Creator of the world sent His son to lay down His life so you and I could be set free.

The Adventure of Possibilities

Hello reading friends.

First, I need to apologize. I have had at least 5 people ask me when my next post was coming and I told you soon, however one never came. In all honesty I got busy with life and forgot to post and then when I had time to post I struggled to write something I felt was worth posting. At least 3 blog posts were created and deleted immediately. Haha. So for the people who have been waiting, here it is! Sorry for the delay. My goal is to genuinely post once a week from now on, whether I think it is good enough or not.

In cliche fashion, I am writing about the new year. I’m not the first to do it and won’t be the last. If you know me, you know I LOVE writing lists, making plans, and creating goals. In years past, I’ve created lists of things I would like to accomplish before the year was over. Some of them I succeeded at and some are still on the list to accomplish. Well this year is no different, I am setting goals & dreaming about how I would love for 2015 to go when in actuality I have NO idea what is headed my way in some sense.

Currently, I’m sitting in a booth at Republic coffee. It is one of many coffee shops in the city that I like to get work done. It’s been a great morning to spend some time reflecting on 2014. Without a doubt, 2014 was one of the hardest years I have ever had. There were many great moments but there were many hard moments as well. I said goodbye to people, spent time in the hospital, racked up some crazy bills, and had some really discouraging moments. There were times where I doubted that God was good, that He was in control, and that somehow His plans were for my good. In some circumstances from last year I can clearly see many ways how God was and still is at work and some circumstances may always remain a mystery. I held a lot in and allowed bitterness to take root. Then, last week I had the joy of attending a concert of one of my favorite groups. I’m fairly certain I spent the full hour and a half crying, but in a good way. I think for the first time in a long time I was honest with myself and with God. I was broken. I was angry. I was fighting for control. I was able to sit and repent of my hard-heartedness, to admit I was afraid to not be in control and to beg for the Spirit to help me to believe the gospel more. I was reminded over and over that God is in fact good, His ways are so much higher than mine, and that I could trust Him with everything. I was reminded that it was okay to be broken before Him and even in the moments I felt the worst, Christ’s love for me had never faded. There is nothing that can separate me from His unfailing love. I think in that moment, God reminded me that even in the hard moments of life there is joy because I am allowed to know Him more deeply, that I can trust Him fully and that He is not expecting perfection from me. There is incredible joy in repentance. Christ is still so beautiful and I am so in awe of how he loves us. I am so thankful that I was allowed to walk through hard moments in 2014. It has allowed me to know Christ in a deeper way. It has excited me to begin this next year with new disciplines and plans. My lists of goals, dreams and plans changed in a way. Suddenly it’s not so much about accomplishing something for myself as it is about striving to be the woman God created me to be.

Working out, eating better, and keeping a budget are not so that I will be exalted to a better adult but rather so that Christ would be exalted and that I may be a better steward of what God has entrusted me with. Does that mean I am going to nail it and become super human? NOT AT ALL. I mean the tag line of this blog is messy rotten sinner for crying out loud. Nothing has changed there. But I am excited to get on track in these areas knowing that I am also covered by the grace of God.

I am excited about the reading goals and the new accountability I have starting off the year. I am excited that God has placed people in my life that want to push me to Him. I am thankful that I have a church family that loves me and reminds me of the gospel often. I am thankful for the city that Christ has placed me in. A city I once hated, is now a place I can’t imagine not being in. I am thankful for blessings that God showers over me. I am thankful for how He cares for me. I am excited about the new seasons many of my closest friends are entering this year. I am so optimistic about the many things to come.

2015 has become an exciting season for me. It’s my adventure of possibilities. That’s my theme. The possibility to know Christ more, to share Him more, to grow more, to be stretched, to be prepared, to be used, to meet new people, to invest in people’s lives, and the many other possibilities I may not even know are coming. It’s going to be an adventure because I don’t know what’s coming. The possibility may come in the great times and in the hard times. But it’s exciting because in all things Jesus is good, great, glorious, and gracious. He is writing my adventure, leading my adventure, loving me in my adventure, and with me in my adventure. Friends be encouraged, God is at work. Let 2015 be an exciting time for you because you know you are more loved than you ever dreamed.

10 Things to Ask a Single Person.

Earlier in the week I read a great blog post called “10 Things Single People are Sick of Hearing.” It was unbelievably hilarious how spot on it was. I had totally heard all 10 of these statements probably in just the last 3 months alone. And although the article was great on the things singles don’t want to hear, it didn’t give much help in what to say. So seeing as I am a single girl, I felt it might be helpful to suggest 10 things to ask singles.

1. What is Jesus teaching you?

One of my favorite things about being in this season is the extra time I get to have reading, learning, and growing. There are no babies to care for in the early morning or other care giving needs that consume my schedule. I get to be a lot more open than a wife or mother. I’ve learned to enjoy this extra time in the Word and in books as one day it may not be this flexible. Ask me about it. Ask me how Jesus is teaching me about who He is? Ask me what books I am reading. The Bible tells us that God’s Word doesn’t return void and who knows maybe I am learning something you are too. Maybe it is something you need to hear. Maybe it could just be the Spirit using you to help me process what He is trying to teach me.

2. How are your affections for Christ?

This is a biggie! I need people both singles and marrieds to point my heart back to Christ on a continual basis. You don’t have to remind this single that she is single, especially in a world where Say Yes to the Dress and Pinterest exist. I remind myself enough. What I do need to be reminded of is that Jesus is better. Ask me how my affections are towards Him. This doesn’t mean tell a single person to get their relationship right with Christ so He will send them a mate. That is not how it works. Asking where my heart for Christ is will shake me on the days that I have chosen to wallow in self-pity rather than to rejoice in a clear identity of who I am in Christ.

3. Would you like to join us for dinner?

I think a huge downer and lie that singles buy in to is that we cannot go to the fancy restaurants or fun places until we have someone to double date with. And when you are coming from the aspect of having never dated this lie can really suck the joy out of you. Date nights are extremely important but how about on another night asking a couple of singles to join you to go to the fun place downtown you have been dying to try. Chances are they are dying to go there too. Don’t turn this into match making time but rather turn it into a time to get to know people you wouldn’t on a normal basis.

4. How can I pray for you?

Chances are if you ask this question with the intent of fully listening you will get a real answer. Listen with the Gospel in mind. Don’t try to devise a plan to “fix us” but rather tell us you love us and that you are praying. Pray for our hearts to find Jesus better than any circumstance. Pray that we would not lose heart that Jesus is good and is working out His perfect plan. Don’t pray that the Lord would allow us to get married quickly or send a mate tomorrow but pray Christ would be enough.

5. How are you preparing yourself to one day be a wife/husband if the Lord wills?

I’ll be honest, the thought of being a wife is exciting and terrifying at the same time. Ladies, I need to be asked this question and given gospel centered advice on this at times. We are all looking to the next stage of life and although we may not enter that next season anytime soon, we can prepare. Ask me how I am preparing to be a woman who will love and be a helpmate to a husband one day. Ask me how I’m preparing my heart now. Ask me what I am learning in the Word about being a gospel-centered woman. Show me how you pray. Show me how you read.

6. What interests/hobbies do you have?

Okay, fact singles don’t always or sometimes ever want to talk about their relationships or lack there of. We have interests and hobbies. We probably spend too much time on them or like things that you have zero interest in but ask us about them. Who knows maybe you’ll find that coffee snob, fellow runner, pinterest creating pal you’ve been wanting. Maybe we are looking for someone to enjoy those things with as well. Asking this might open up a beautiful new friendship on both sides.

7. What is a goal you are trying to accomplish right now?

Whether it’s paying off a bill, running a marathon, learning to cook, or something else, singles are usually trying to accomplish a goal. I’d be willing to bet you may have had a very similar goal at one season or another and can offer biblical wisdom. If not, then what a beautiful time to become a cheerleader to your brothers and sisters in Christ.

8. What area of the gospel are you not believing right now?

Well, here it is. The tough one. We are all seeking to believe the gospel each day. As we sin, it shows what we are not believing about the gospel. Ask singles what they are struggling to believe. I know as a single I struggle with believing that God is enough, that He is in control and that He hears my prayers. It’s much easier to buy into the lie that I need a husband to complete me. When I struggle to believe this my actions show. Ask me. Pray for me. Call me out because you love me and want Christ to be magnified in my life.Hold me accountable when I jump on the crazy train.

9. What’s your story?

Other than being single or married, what do you know about this person? Ask me how I came to Christ. Ask me how I came to be a part of the church family I am a part of. Ask me how I ended up in the city I am in. Be ready for me to ask you. We all have a story. Christ can use our stories in amazing ways. Ask me my story, tell me yours, and then encourage me to tell my story to someone who doesn’t know Christ.

10. Is there any one you are interested in?

Now there may not be many singles that agree with me on this one. Some people may not want to be asked this question. But I think this can be a great question. It allows singles to open up and work through if they are genuinely interested in someone. It allows some accountability to be created. This does not mean ask a single person this question every time you see them or pick on them repeatedly after they tell you yes. Allow them to be honest with you if they desire and if they tell you no, trust them.

I hope if you stuck with me through the end that you find this helpful.This is in no way a perfect list. This does not speak for every single person out there. I could give you probably another 100 talking topics but I think these are 10 great ones to start with. Look around you, who are the people Christ has put in your path. Get to know them, love them, and push them to Christ no matter what their relationship status is. Singles, stop waiting around for people to get to know you. Take initiative. Married people, stop avoiding singles because you don’t want to offend them or don’t know what to say. We need each other. Community takes work. It is messy. It is hard. But the reward of walking life with others far outweighs the rest.

Here is the link for the article I mentioned at the beginning of this post. http://jarridwilson.com/10-things-single-people-are-sick-of-hearing/

welcome.

welcome to my blog.

I am so excited to start this! The hope is that this blog will be a way to share and process what the Lord is teaching me. I cannot promise you the grammar or spelling will always be on point. I cannot promise you the sentence structure or flow of thought will always make sense. I can however promise you that it will always be real. It will be honest and open. It will be messy and broken. It will have funny moments. It will be me.

So please join me on this crazy, exciting, messy, wonderful journey.